Dumb and Dumber
by Simallyher
Summary: House hates being the 'middle man' but it's where Cameron and Wilson keep putting him. Camson. NOT HOUSE AND CAMERON


**Disclaimer: **I do not own the characters of House, FOX does. I just borrow them to act out my crazy plotlines. No money is being made, nor was any copyright infringement intended.

EDIT: Sorry the breaks that made the story flow where missing. It starts as Wilson then to House…they swap each time.

**DUMB AND DUMBER**

**WILSON**

You would never normally think twice before heading over to House's for a drink and a chat. That was until you actually turn up and a semi-familiar car is already parked outside. So, you kill the engine and walk to the door, more mindful to knock now that you suspect he has company.

He opens the door and looks at you strangely, you have no idea why until her voices floats across the room, alerting you of her presence. Giving him one last look, hoping it pierces that, decidedly, immune protection he has wrapped around himself.

**HOUSE**

You watch him walk away, recognising the failed attempt at making you feel bad for having her over. Only tonight, your gut has actually twisted in knots at him turning up. But then how were you to know she would turn up, tired, confused and extremely chatty. Something you've decided you hate about this situation. You are now the middle man.

Turning back to face her anxious eyes, you shake your head and sit back in your seat. This will take a lot of explaining, and hopefully they will get the message.

'It was Jimmy,' your only explanation.

'What was he doing here?' She's wringing her hand, and that annoys you too.

'Being the second half of the relationship, he usually just pops by for a quickie,' you know it's wrong to joke, but you can't help stirring her.

'House,' her tone suggests she's warning you, her eyes tell you she's scared.

'Why aren't you at his place, telling him all this?' You finally crack under the added pressure of caring.

'Fine, if you can't handle someone needing you, so be it.'

You watch her walk out the door, cringing as the wood slams. Yep, hopefully they get the message soon, being the middle man sucks.

**WILSON**

There's a knock at your door and your current mood doesn't matter, you find yourself answering the door.

'Cameron,' you state the obvious.

'Wilson,' her tone's equally as flat.

'Come in?' You step to the side, she falters before accepting.

'House said you were the one at the door, then he asked why am I not here talking to you instead of him,' she rattles off as you take her coat.

'Well, for starters, we haven't been talking,' you begin to enjoy this 'sate the obvious' game you two are playing.

'And whose fault is that?' She's glaring at you, icy cold, with a pinch of remorse.

'Both of ours Cameron,' you sigh as you walk into the lounge, hoping she's following you. 'We're both to blame.'

'You're the one that started all this!' She erupts from behind you.

Spinning around to face her you stare her down, no idea just how menacing you really look.

'I refuse to take all the blame for this Allison,' you snarl, backing her against the lounge wall. 'You are as much to blame in this as I am.'

'Oh right, because I was the one jealous of Nurse Sandra!' Her face is going red with anger; you think it's the most beautiful sight you've seen.

'Then what was that outburst last week when you pulled me into the clinic room and snapped at me about flirting with the nurses? You're not my wife Allison; you have to pull on what I do!'

'Well judging by your three failed marriages, I'd say neither did they and they were _your_ wives,' her shot is low, but you know it's true.

'I think this conversation is over,' you fume backing away from her.

'Now look who's all defensive and jealous,' she spits at you. 'You're just angry because I was at House's.'

'What you and House do is none of my business, nor will I ever want it to be,' you stride purposely towards the front door; opening the door just wide enough for her to storm through, into the cold night air and out of your life. Work is going to be shit tomorrow.

**HOUSE**

One look at her sunken face tells you everything about last night; OK so having Wilson snub you gave you the general impression. Watching as she meticulously unpacks her bag you decide that a prompt and blunt assessment is necessary.

'You look like shit today,' you grin at her ever whitening face.

'Looks like Gregory House can't cure everything,' her sad and tired tone unravels the night's story. It did not go well.

'Did you try the direct approach or the stand-offish?' you ask, oddly enough you are actually taking an interest in their narrow-minded plights.

'Would shouting at each other when you're inches apart be counted as stand-offish?' Dumb's sarcasm this early in the morning has your mind ticking over questions for Dumber, later in the morning.

'Oh I think that would count as a cop-out. You couldn't bare him knowing that you actually cared enough to be jealous, so you had to blow it out of proportions and knowing you, that would include a memory lane jog of his three wives.'

'I hate how well you know us,' she sulks back into her chair.

'Well, Dumb down, only Dumber to go,' you slide off the table you have been resting on and begin to walk out before facing her again. 'By the way, you're Dumb and Wilson's Dumber.'

'Nice to know,' she mocks as she lets her head collide with her forearms.

You give her one last look before hobbling towards Dumber's door.

**WILSON**

The knock is familiar, the wood on wood sound almost has you pretending you're not in, that is until you remember that you haven't locked your door. He saves you the trouble, as he opens the door and strides towards his favoured seat.

'So, I'm guessing last night was a bust,' His tact needs some work.

'You sent her to my apartment House, how did you think it would work out, we haven't been talking since her outburst,' you cry softly, everything was beginning to get too much.

'You know how much I hate meddling with other peoples lives,' he states.

'Oh please, you're the first in line to point out their faults!'

'Fine, I'll give you that, but never do I like meddling with the _romantic_ aspect of people, unless I'm telling them their spouse is cheating,' his words are true, you can't quite figure this one out.

'There are no _romantic_ notations with Cameron,' your lips are actually forming that lie.

'OH COME ON!' He erupts. 'I hate playing the middle man and you two keep making me him! Open your eyes Jimmy just open your god forsaken eyes!' He storms out with his parting words, leaving you staring at the spot he vacated as if it will suddenly start moving and possibly dance too.

Your mind begins to wrap around what he was talking about, he doesn't like playing the middle man, but they had put him there, but how? Rising you begin to walk down the corridor, glancing into the Diagnostic Conference room, you see her defeated face. Taking a deep breathe you step up to the door, glancing up your eyes meets House's. He's nodding slightly, hoping that's an OK to enter you hear the swish of the door on the carpet.

'Jimmy, what do we owe the pleasure?' he's far too cheerful for this occasion.

'Actually I was wondering if I could borrow Dr Cameron for a few minutes?' Listening to yourself, you realise you sound pathetic.

'Cameron?' House nudges.

'What?' She looks startled.

'Dr Wilson would like to borrow you, I say go, now hop to it, the faster he finishes with you the faster we get you back,' you release a quiet sigh when she stands to follow you.

Walking back towards your room, you have the sudden urge for fresh air. Changing directions you ignore her quizzical looks and just keep walking, the last thing you need right now is for her to realise that you can't breathe with her around. Not anymore.

You hold the door to the roof open for her, she walks through cautiously. When you finally make it to the roof you both stop and stare across the vast expanse of the teaching hospital. To be brutally honest the place looks far more enticing from up here, but having her around just makes it harder to concentrate.

'You wanted me for something,' she states to mid-air.

'We can't keep this up,' you sigh gently. 'I'll take the blame if it means we can go back to the way things were.'

She faces you. 'I can't go back there Wilson, I'm sorry,' she looks away just as fast.

'Oh,' your breath rushes out.

'The whole nurse thing was stupid OK, I meant nothing by it,' she visibly stiffened, as her words hit you.

'It wasn't that stupid,' you compromise.

'Oh please, I was out of line, who you flirt with has nothing to do with me Wilson!' There's the fighting spirit you have become accustomed to.

'It would if you'd just open your eyes,' you mutter House's words to her. 'Think about that.'

Without looking back you begin retracing your steps. Stopping briefly outside the Diagnostic room, you shake your head at House who sighs for you.

**HOUSE**

She either didn't get him, or you had no idea why he was shaking his head. Either way you had to find out. Stepping into the corridor you face him.

'Bad?'

'I couldn't get up the nerve to tell her, I ended up accepting the blame so we can go back to what we were, she says she can't go back and it just dwindled from there,' he explains the encounter briefly.

'Can't have gone that bad,' you grin gesturing behind him.

The look on his face when he turned to see Cameron standing behind him, before facing you again would stay with you for awhile. He was completely astonished.

**WILSON**

'Cam-meron?' you can't help but help but stutter over her name.

'I don't like it when people don't understand me from the get-go. I don't like it when people misjudge me,' she glares pointedly at House. 'I really don't like it when someone points out the obvious to me. I'm sorry.'

'You've got nothing to apologise for,' you mumble, hearing the swish of the door on the carpet, you know House has left you.

'No I do, really I do. See I thought it was obvious how I felt, I thought you knew and obviously you didn't; so when you tell me to open my eyes, it makes it abundantly clear that you really had, well have, no idea how I feel about you and why I can't go back to what we were.' Her words are rushed and half jumbled to your ears, but you make out the point of her statement.

'How about we discuss this in the confides of my office?' You ask with a little more confidence.

'Alright,' she smiles slightly before following you to your office.

You wait until the door closes before you pull her into an embrace. Just holding her was enough at the moment. You feel her head find a resting place on your shoulder as you just stand there. And you hope to God you find more moments to just stand there and have each other.


End file.
